Description of Work

it's not what it looks like, but it is - 2022 - Ceramics, fiber - Not For Sale

Artist's Statement

In this body of work, I play with clay and fabric to create a curious and immersive world of my own to escape into. The amusing shapes that are present are sometimes based on pieces of joyful memories I have. Sometimes the memories are small ones that even I can barely remember, but others are big ones that I never want to forget. Memories are an especially important thing for me, my childhood has caused me to grow up with memory loss, sometimes I even forget the day-to-day. The way I depict these memories you could never tell what they were based on. I have abstracted them into just a simple idea of what the shape represents. They are just what they are. Blobs and lines. I find a lot of humor in that the silly memory becomes even goofier. In my work and daily life, I cope with my emotions by capturing cheerful moments and holding them tight to convince myself that the bad does not outweigh the good. 

Since the beginning of my life, things have been sad. Through all the violence and neglect I experienced and still do experience, I taught myself to regulate my own emotions as well as the emotions of the adults around me. I was a kid, and when things got hard, I dealt with it by myself. It was up to me to comfort my own feelings. I had to be there for myself and be stronger than usually expected from a child. When a kid is exposed to chronic trauma like this, they can remain in a heightened state. This can change the emotional, behavioral, and cognitive functioning in order to promote survival. I survived by learning to cope with everything with humor. I turned everything into a joke, and I was the punch line. If I could not make it seem funny, I would simply forget it. I still use this as a coping mechanism in my adult life, although it is a little different since I am more aware of it. Things are not as funny to me now so I forget a lot more than I would like to.  

The work is a representation of just that. I created this world with soft edges and happy colors to illustrate the playful attitude I live by. By surrounding the viewer's point of view, I am forcing them to be emerged in my comforting world for a moment. I treat these objects like toys and characters for me to play with. Creating and arranging these pieces is an entirely intuitive process. The display of them focuses on having fun and messing around. I arrange them in a way that I enjoy based on the color I like most that day, the outfit I am wearing, how I feel, and so many other things. The relationship between them is ever-changing and unpredictable. 

If you wish to purchase any of these pieces, please contact the gallery director, Jacqueline Nathan (jnathan@bgsu.edu.)